Wednesday, November 13, 2024

Book review: Homeowner Haiku, by Jerry Ratch and Sherry Karver

In recent years, many cookie-cutter haiku books have cropped up, exploiting the haiku form as something merely commercial.  Searching almost any online bookseller turns up books of haiku about dogs, cats, religion, rednecks, the elderly -- the list goes on and on.  Homeowner Haiku, by Jerry Ratch and Sherry Karver, is yet another book from this mold.

As an idea itself, there's nothing wrong with writing a book of haiku about one specific subject.  But the poems in Homeowner Haiku can only be called "haiku" by a very loose definition of the form.

The authors seem to be more concerned with filling an outdated syllable and line count (17 syllables broken into three lines of 5-7-5) than with the purpose of haiku itself, which is to capture a moment of nature or the natural world for the reader's close inspection and enjoyment.  The poems in this book serve mainly as vehicles for puns and other forms of humor, and do not stand on their own as good poems.  Take, for example, this haiku from page 52:

Location, location,
   location -- location, location,
      location

Many of the poems are banal and forgettable, and could easily have been trimmed from the book.  Like this one:

The spider living
   on my computer has turned
      into a web hog

However, some of the haiku are actually funny, like this one from the "Euphoric Euphemisms" section:

"Tranquil Park-like Setting" --
   two hoboes and their three dogs
      camping in the yard

Another humorous poem is found on page 40:

Proudly I eat beans
   and franks as I'm writing out
      the mortgage payment

While most of the poems in this book fall short of the true essence of haiku, this one manages to come quite close:

The leaves turn brilliant
   yellow, before they clog up
      our rain gutters

Homeowner Haiku contains 98 poems, presented one to a page in a neatly-typed format.  The poems are broken into different sections, each based on an aspect of home ownership.  The book is paperback, perfect-bound, and professionally designed.

If you are looking for a book of light or silly poems about home ownership, Homeowner Haiku may be for you.  The poems in this book range from amusing to sentimental, reflecting various aspects of buying or owning a home, both good and bad.  New and long-term homeowners will certainly find something to relate to in this book.  As long as you don't buy it expecting a collection of award-winning haiku, you might enjoy Homeowner Haiku.

Homeowner Haiku, written by Jerry Ratch and Sherry Karver, published in 2005 by Frog, Ltd.  Retail price is $9.95, available from major booksellers including Books-A-Million and Amazon.

(Disclaimer: I earn a commission on Amazon sales made from links in this post.)
(Originally posted on Helium.com, 2009)

Tuesday, October 8, 2024

Two-Sentence Horror Story Contests (2024)

With Halloween creeping up, it's officially Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest season! How quickly can YOU scare a reader?

Contests and their deadlines listed below:

- 10/11/24: Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest (C-VILLE Weekly)
- 10/12/24: Tiny Terrors 2-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Craven-Pamlico Regional Library) - multiple age categories
- 10/13/24: Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Frankfort Public Library District) - middle and high school writers only
- 10/18/24: 2-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Laurel County Public Library) - must submit entry in person; open to writers 16+ only
- 10/19/24: Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Cromaine Library) - multiple age categories
- 10/22/24: Two Sentence Horror Story Contest (Ypsilanti District Library)
- 10/25/24: Lake Hills Library Spooky Story contest (King County Library System) - 4th-8th grade only
- 10/25/24: Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Monroe County Public Library)
- 10/26/24: Teen 2-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Anchorage Public Library) - Anchorage teens (12-18) only
- 10/27/24: Two-Sentence Horror Story Contest (Berlin-Peck Memorial Library) - open to library card holders only, 14+

Saturday, September 14, 2024

Book review: The Tommyknockers, by Stephen King

If you've read Stephen King before, you know how detailed he gets with his characters and his stories. The Tommyknockers is no exception. The book is around 750 pages long. One of the things that sets King apart from a great many other writers is that he will develop ALL his characters, not just the main two or three or four. He'll describe the kind of childhood one guy had, then kill him off two pages later. It makes for better reading, and it lets you (as the reader) know more about what's going on, who's who, and why some characters are the way they are.

It also makes the book longer. A lot longer. Some people may see this as a bad thing. I like it. As a kid I used to read voraciously, and whenever I found a good book, I would always dread coming to the end. It was like waking up from a particularly pleasant dream. You feel like there was more of the world that the author created left to explore, and you didn't get the chance to discover it. But with King's books, he delves into every corner, shines light down every hole, and leaves no stone unturned, so you don't feel like you missed anything.

The Tommyknockers is about a small Maine town (surprise!). A woman who lives on the outskirts of the town finds something metal buried in her backyard. She attempts to dig it up, and suddenly everyone in town starts acting just a little weird.

The woman keeps digging, enlisting her best friend to help her, and as she uncovers more of the strange object, the town becomes crazier and crazier... and deadlier and deadlier, especially to outsiders.

Fans of Stephen King will enjoy The Tommyknockers, and if you jump at sudden noises, it will probably keep you up at night. It's not a book you can read in a short time, but it isn't so detail-intensive that you will have a hard time remembering what happened the last time you sat down to read a chapter.

The Tommyknockers was the second King novel I ever read. I've read about 10 or 15 more since, but this one still ranks up there as one of the best.

The Tommyknockers is available from most major online booksellers including Barnes & Noble and Amazon, or you could probably find a cheap copy at your favorite used book store. It's a good book, one you can read again in a few years and still enjoy.


(Originally posted on Helium.com, Apr 2009)
(Disclaimer: I earn a commission on Amazon sales made from links in this post.)

Sunday, September 8, 2024

Currently open (and paying) speculative drabble markets

The magazines and other markets listed below are currently open to speculative drabbles (100-word stories), and all offer payment for accepted pieces.


Here are some other paying sci-fi/fantasy/horror drabble markets that are temporarily closed:

Dwarf Stars Award 2015